I'm a guy. And to be honest, I'm proud to be a guy. And sometimes, I feel like this society tries to make guys apologize for being guys, which I think is ridiculous. And apologizing is something I will NEVER do for that reason. I don't owe ANYONE an apology because I'm a guy. I think this society is not willing to allow guys to be masculine, so it tries to tame masculinity. Make guys more emotional. Make them nicer. Preach manners to them. But no one is paying a higher price for taming masculinity than society as a whole. Our schools are suffering. Our government is suffering. And most of all, our families are suffering. Why? Because when we need men to step up during times of difficulty, we find that men don't know how to step up. All they know how to be is nice because that's all they're told to be. And I'm sorry, but niceness is overrated and it just doesn't cut it. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm through with being nice. I'm not saying that I don't believe in having compassion or sharing your emotions, but there's something wrong when that's the only things that guys know how to do. Society has stripped masculinity of what it was meant to be.
I want to be the guy who has no problem being competitive regardless of the reaction people may have. I want to be able to do what my heart is telling me to do and not feel like I have to apologize for it. I want to say what's on my heart and on my mind without worrying how people may feel. I want to have the courage to make a scene when I feel like it is necessary. I want to pursue my dreams without putting too much stock in the potential risks or dangers. I want to hold the notions of "being good" and "being true" higher than the notion of "being nice".
1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Myth of "Open-mindedness"
We live in a society that glorifies individuals who claim to be "open-minded". And to be brutally honest, I believe it to be a bunch of crap. I have two reasons for that: one, I don't believe anyone has ever been truly "open-minded" and two, I don't believe we ever should be. Let me elaborate on these two points.
I think that every person is a lot closer to being narrow-minded than anything else. Now, before you start to point your finger and scream "blasphemy!" or shout "not I!", let me ask you a number of questions. Have you ever: developed a personality, bought a car, bought a house, hung out with a friend, walked into a store, listened to music, watched a television show, gone to a sporting event, flown on a plane, applied for a job, ordered a meal at a restaurant, worn clothes, had a girlfriend/boyfriend? etc. etc. etc. I could have easily typed for the rest of my life, but I'll leave the list as it is because I think you'll get the picture. If you answered yes to ANY one of those questions, guess what?!?! You're narrow-minded! The reason why is because you made a definitive choice. If anything has a definition or boundary, it is not open, but narrow. And when you make a choice, you exclude everything but the thing you chose. So, logically, to be truly "open-minded", you would have to continually avoid ever making a single choice or creating an opinion. Even if the only choice you made was to be "open-minded", you would then begin the process of deviating away from exactly what you claimed to be! It would be the equivalent of stating "the only choice I will ever make is to never make a choice!" It would be a meaningless statement!
Now, I know some of you are already thinking "of course I'm not open-minded in day to day life situations, but of spiritual matters". But I believe the same case could be made of spiritual matters, or anything that is in the realm of ethics, morality, and religion. Let me ask you a number of questions. Do you believe: love to be a good virtue, religion to be worthless, violence to be unnecessary, truth to be subjective, there isn't a God, there is a God, etc. etc. etc. Again, I could have spent the rest of my life typing out that list. If you answered yes to ANY of those questions, then you're officially narrow-minded in spiritual matters! Again, I would say that any time you form an opinion or belief on anything in life, you exclude everything else, making your belief or opinion narrow.
Let me elaborate on the difference on being "open-minded" (which I believe to be an impossible ideal to live by) and being open to changing your mind. You may say that being open to changing your mind is the same thing as being "open-minded", but I would argue that there is a distinct difference between the two. One stance is purely based on pure passivity ("open-mindedness") and one is based on an aggressive stance (if that may be the right word to describe it!) In one situation, you have no formed beliefs or opinions on anything and in the other, you already have formed beliefs or opinions. I believe that we all should be open to changing our minds on things, but only on one condition: when one of our beliefs or opinions can be proved false or incompatible with the way we see the world. Let's say that you grew up thinking that every surfer had long hair. You would see every surfer in the magazines with long hair and you believed it to be the rule. But then, you go to the beach and see a dude surfing and he is bald. Your old belief was no longer compatible with the way you saw the world, so therefore you change your belief on that matter. You should never change your belief just to change it. There should be a reason for doing so!
I obviously could write forever on this subject, but I will keep this entry as simple as I can keep it. I want to finish by saying that when we argue with each other and reject others' opinions or beliefs just because we seem them as being "narrow-minded", we should remember that every one of us is equally narrow-minded as everyone else. The debate should never be about whether or not our views or someone else's views are open or narrow, but whether or not they are shown to be true. Of course, that's an entirely different subject though!
I think that every person is a lot closer to being narrow-minded than anything else. Now, before you start to point your finger and scream "blasphemy!" or shout "not I!", let me ask you a number of questions. Have you ever: developed a personality, bought a car, bought a house, hung out with a friend, walked into a store, listened to music, watched a television show, gone to a sporting event, flown on a plane, applied for a job, ordered a meal at a restaurant, worn clothes, had a girlfriend/boyfriend? etc. etc. etc. I could have easily typed for the rest of my life, but I'll leave the list as it is because I think you'll get the picture. If you answered yes to ANY one of those questions, guess what?!?! You're narrow-minded! The reason why is because you made a definitive choice. If anything has a definition or boundary, it is not open, but narrow. And when you make a choice, you exclude everything but the thing you chose. So, logically, to be truly "open-minded", you would have to continually avoid ever making a single choice or creating an opinion. Even if the only choice you made was to be "open-minded", you would then begin the process of deviating away from exactly what you claimed to be! It would be the equivalent of stating "the only choice I will ever make is to never make a choice!" It would be a meaningless statement!
Now, I know some of you are already thinking "of course I'm not open-minded in day to day life situations, but of spiritual matters". But I believe the same case could be made of spiritual matters, or anything that is in the realm of ethics, morality, and religion. Let me ask you a number of questions. Do you believe: love to be a good virtue, religion to be worthless, violence to be unnecessary, truth to be subjective, there isn't a God, there is a God, etc. etc. etc. Again, I could have spent the rest of my life typing out that list. If you answered yes to ANY of those questions, then you're officially narrow-minded in spiritual matters! Again, I would say that any time you form an opinion or belief on anything in life, you exclude everything else, making your belief or opinion narrow.
Let me elaborate on the difference on being "open-minded" (which I believe to be an impossible ideal to live by) and being open to changing your mind. You may say that being open to changing your mind is the same thing as being "open-minded", but I would argue that there is a distinct difference between the two. One stance is purely based on pure passivity ("open-mindedness") and one is based on an aggressive stance (if that may be the right word to describe it!) In one situation, you have no formed beliefs or opinions on anything and in the other, you already have formed beliefs or opinions. I believe that we all should be open to changing our minds on things, but only on one condition: when one of our beliefs or opinions can be proved false or incompatible with the way we see the world. Let's say that you grew up thinking that every surfer had long hair. You would see every surfer in the magazines with long hair and you believed it to be the rule. But then, you go to the beach and see a dude surfing and he is bald. Your old belief was no longer compatible with the way you saw the world, so therefore you change your belief on that matter. You should never change your belief just to change it. There should be a reason for doing so!
I obviously could write forever on this subject, but I will keep this entry as simple as I can keep it. I want to finish by saying that when we argue with each other and reject others' opinions or beliefs just because we seem them as being "narrow-minded", we should remember that every one of us is equally narrow-minded as everyone else. The debate should never be about whether or not our views or someone else's views are open or narrow, but whether or not they are shown to be true. Of course, that's an entirely different subject though!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
This Journey We Call "Life"
Every once in a while, I get this overwhelming urge to somehow collect my random thoughts, put them together, and see what is created. This is one of those moments. So here goes nothing!
Not to be cliche at all, but I've always viewed life as a journey. But I'm starting to learn recently that life is a journey with no real destination At least not in this life. So many times, I've gotten caught up in trying to get to certain places in my life so that I can stop moving, stop traveling. Recently, I flew down to Phoenix to help my family move back to Portland. And to be perfectly honest, the only thing I was thinking the entire time was "I just want to get back home so that I can rest." I would get really irritated if we had to make a lot of stops along the way because that would prolong me getting to my destination. And now, looking back on that trip, I find that I pretty much wasted most of it. And the reason why I wasted most of it was because I was not living by the moment. I was not taking advantage of the opportunities to learn and to grow through that whole process. My entire focus was on trying to get to a destination.
Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that having a destination in life is important. And setting goals for yourself to accomplish is commendable. But, if you're like me, you set goals so that when you accomplish them, you can look back on it and bask in what you did. And ultimately, so you can feel like you have arrived at a place where you can just sit down and rest. So you can be comfortable. And I'm learning now that when you live life like that, you are missing out on so many opportunities to truly live.
I find myself being just really complacent with a lot of things in life these days. And the reason I got to this point was because I allowed myself to become comfortable with where I was at. Several years back, I made a goal to somehow become what I am now and I'm finding now that I was just looking forward to being able to stop and rest. I accomplished my goal and now I get to reap the benefits of being comfortable with who I am and what I'm doing. And to tell you the truth, being comfortable sucks! My passion, motivation, and excitement for life are missing. It's almost like they are pieces of a puzzle I must first locate and then put back together again. The process and the journey it took to get here was full of excitement, unpredictable circumstances, and opportunities to grow and to learn. Sure, it was a tough journey, but that's what made it so worth it! Now the important thing I'm learning about life is that when we become comfortable for too long, we stop learning. And when we stop learning, we stop moving forward. And when we stop moving forward, we stop truly living and our soul slowly starts to die inside. And I feel like that's where I'm at.
So now, I know that I must get back on my feet and start moving forward to the next thing that God has in store for me. I'm not talking about moving to a different place or quitting everything I'm involved in because I know that I'm at the place where I need to be. I'm talking about reclaiming my passion and reclaiming my soul so that I can live my life by giving God all the glory and by loving and cherishing the people around me.
I hope all of you are doing well and I encourage us all to never stop moving forward!
Not to be cliche at all, but I've always viewed life as a journey. But I'm starting to learn recently that life is a journey with no real destination At least not in this life. So many times, I've gotten caught up in trying to get to certain places in my life so that I can stop moving, stop traveling. Recently, I flew down to Phoenix to help my family move back to Portland. And to be perfectly honest, the only thing I was thinking the entire time was "I just want to get back home so that I can rest." I would get really irritated if we had to make a lot of stops along the way because that would prolong me getting to my destination. And now, looking back on that trip, I find that I pretty much wasted most of it. And the reason why I wasted most of it was because I was not living by the moment. I was not taking advantage of the opportunities to learn and to grow through that whole process. My entire focus was on trying to get to a destination.
Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that having a destination in life is important. And setting goals for yourself to accomplish is commendable. But, if you're like me, you set goals so that when you accomplish them, you can look back on it and bask in what you did. And ultimately, so you can feel like you have arrived at a place where you can just sit down and rest. So you can be comfortable. And I'm learning now that when you live life like that, you are missing out on so many opportunities to truly live.
I find myself being just really complacent with a lot of things in life these days. And the reason I got to this point was because I allowed myself to become comfortable with where I was at. Several years back, I made a goal to somehow become what I am now and I'm finding now that I was just looking forward to being able to stop and rest. I accomplished my goal and now I get to reap the benefits of being comfortable with who I am and what I'm doing. And to tell you the truth, being comfortable sucks! My passion, motivation, and excitement for life are missing. It's almost like they are pieces of a puzzle I must first locate and then put back together again. The process and the journey it took to get here was full of excitement, unpredictable circumstances, and opportunities to grow and to learn. Sure, it was a tough journey, but that's what made it so worth it! Now the important thing I'm learning about life is that when we become comfortable for too long, we stop learning. And when we stop learning, we stop moving forward. And when we stop moving forward, we stop truly living and our soul slowly starts to die inside. And I feel like that's where I'm at.
So now, I know that I must get back on my feet and start moving forward to the next thing that God has in store for me. I'm not talking about moving to a different place or quitting everything I'm involved in because I know that I'm at the place where I need to be. I'm talking about reclaiming my passion and reclaiming my soul so that I can live my life by giving God all the glory and by loving and cherishing the people around me.
I hope all of you are doing well and I encourage us all to never stop moving forward!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Looking in the Mirror
So I was watching the movie "Reign Over Me" tonight for the first time. If you haven't seen it, I definitely recommend it. It's a movie about a guy who reaches out to a friend of his who is going through a lot of pain. His friend lost his entire family in the 9/11 attacks and let's just say he isn't handling it well. There was one scene in the movie that totally stood out to me.
So both guys are having dinner at a restaurant and the guy who's reaching out to his friend starts talking about some struggles that he's going through with his family. Then he asks his friend who has lost everything, "Are you going to be alright?" And his friend responds by saying, "I'm more worried about you."
That scene struck me so much because I see a lot of myself in that interchange. For my entire life, I've been the kind of person that is always trying to reach out to help people. And because of that, many people who have gone through difficult times have been drawn to me and I've always been more than willing to do what I can to help them out, talk to them, listen, etc. Looking back on those times, I have found that I reach out to people for two reasons: 1.) To help the person and 2.) to avoid working on my own issues. Because after all, if I'm so caught up in what another person is going through, I feel like I don't have to turn my eyes on myself and what I may need to work on. I'm not saying that I haven't really helped anyone, I'm just saying that a lot of times, I have done it for the wrong reasons.
So often, it's easier for us to look at another person in their eyes than it is to look at ourselves in the mirror. Mainly because we're afraid of what we'll see. If we honestly looked at ourselves in the mirror, we might realize that we aren't as good or as strong as we thought or hoped we were. A mirror reveals imperfections. It reveals mistakes. It reveals regrets. And if we catch a glimpse of what is really there, we turn away as fast as we can in hopes that we'll forget what we just saw. But unfortunately, we know exactly what we saw and looking away won't make us forget who we are.
The good news, and this is something that I've been learning a lot about lately, is that the image we see today in the mirror doesn't have to be the image we see tomorrow, or the next day, or the next year. Seeing our own imperfections is a painful experience but it also gives us an amazing opportunity: the opportunity to change. To renew. To transform into the person we want to be. But the choice is always ours to make. No one else can make it for us. And the first step, as always, is to take a good look in the mirror.
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind
Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer
Hope you enjoyed this entry. Thanks for reading it!
Matt
So both guys are having dinner at a restaurant and the guy who's reaching out to his friend starts talking about some struggles that he's going through with his family. Then he asks his friend who has lost everything, "Are you going to be alright?" And his friend responds by saying, "I'm more worried about you."
That scene struck me so much because I see a lot of myself in that interchange. For my entire life, I've been the kind of person that is always trying to reach out to help people. And because of that, many people who have gone through difficult times have been drawn to me and I've always been more than willing to do what I can to help them out, talk to them, listen, etc. Looking back on those times, I have found that I reach out to people for two reasons: 1.) To help the person and 2.) to avoid working on my own issues. Because after all, if I'm so caught up in what another person is going through, I feel like I don't have to turn my eyes on myself and what I may need to work on. I'm not saying that I haven't really helped anyone, I'm just saying that a lot of times, I have done it for the wrong reasons.
So often, it's easier for us to look at another person in their eyes than it is to look at ourselves in the mirror. Mainly because we're afraid of what we'll see. If we honestly looked at ourselves in the mirror, we might realize that we aren't as good or as strong as we thought or hoped we were. A mirror reveals imperfections. It reveals mistakes. It reveals regrets. And if we catch a glimpse of what is really there, we turn away as fast as we can in hopes that we'll forget what we just saw. But unfortunately, we know exactly what we saw and looking away won't make us forget who we are.
The good news, and this is something that I've been learning a lot about lately, is that the image we see today in the mirror doesn't have to be the image we see tomorrow, or the next day, or the next year. Seeing our own imperfections is a painful experience but it also gives us an amazing opportunity: the opportunity to change. To renew. To transform into the person we want to be. But the choice is always ours to make. No one else can make it for us. And the first step, as always, is to take a good look in the mirror.
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind
Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer
Hope you enjoyed this entry. Thanks for reading it!
Matt
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