When all comes crashing down.....

I believe that even though my life is made up of countless moments, some moments truly define who I really am. I also believe that there's a difference, even a significant difference, between the person I believe I am and the person who is accurately reflected in the mirror when all is stripped away. Let me explain what I mean.
It doesn't take too much brutal honesty for us to realize that we all have this personal image that we would like to conform to. And it takes even more brutal honesty to admit that we're not there yet.Most of us, if we were to analyze ourselves, could think of at least 5 qualities that we would like our life to be defined by. Honesty, integrity, strength, compassion, faith, love, loyalty etc. The list goes on and on. These qualities and characteristics are incredibly important for us to pursue because it helps us grow as individuals.
The main issue in my own life stems from the fact that I tend to see myself and portray myself to others as already being that person that I am pursuing to become. Sometimes, the facade will hold for quite some time, but I find that it takes a single moment to disarm that image and leave me with a true reflection of the person I REALLY am. One of those moments happened just a couple days ago.
I was relaxing at my place after a great day of sleeping in, reading, and teaching guitar lessons. I got a message on my facebook page from a friend of mine who said that I really needed to call him. I just thought he wanted to talk sports or invite me to hang out sometime. Then I heard the words that you never want to hear from anyone. "I wish I had good news to tell you, but....." He then went on to tell me that a buddy of ours had committed suicide. My world came crashing down. And with it, the image of who I thought I was.
One characteristic that I have always pursued in my life is having a faith in God that would stay strong, even if everything around me was coming apart. After that phone call, not only did I feel overwhelming grief for the loss of a friend, but I was also filled with an incredible amount of doubt. I felt like God had failed. Like He ceased to be good, compassionate, and in control. It was alarming to me that I could have those thoughts and feelings in spite of who I thought I was.That tragedy had called my bluff.
Even though it's been only a few days since this has happened, I've been learning a lot. I'm learning that it's okay to doubt when horrible things happen. It's a natural reaction. And I'm also learning to accept the fact that I haven't "arrived" yet. I'm still on a journey to become who God wants to me to be. And I need to accept that the journey is in some ways more important than the destination.
Thanks for reading and I sincerely ask for your prayers for my friend's family and friends as they grieve the loss. God bless